Looking Up into the Unknown

I just recently got back from visiting good ol’ Cleveland, Ohio for two weeks during the holidays. I loved spending time with family, seeing friends, and being in a familiar place and routine. But if I am being honest, it also brought back hard memories and triggered a few breakdowns as I continue to process and heal from the past few months. Reflecting on 2019 and seeking to embrace 2020, I am reminded how different the year ended compared to how it began. I would have never imagined the heartbreak I would be walking through, and maybe it’s good I didn’t know because I would’ve taken a hard pass. However, I can honestly say I am thankful for the heartache because God has already developed growth in me and also led me to start this blog! Maybe you’re in a similar spot of reflection and you also desire for the new year to be more beautiful and less broken. I find myself, once again, in-between reality and dreams, praying and hoping for God to bring me from hurt to healing, from questioning to resting, and from doubting to expecting great things from Him. As I have written many times before, the middle of the story is never the end, it’s just the beginning.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14) A couple months ago I started praying for a word to take with me into 2020, a quick truth I could go back to when the great unknown becomes too overwhelming. God showed up like He always does as one word kept coming to mind – expectant. The definition for this word states, “having or showing an excited feeling that something is about to happen, especially something pleasant and interesting.” Deep down I desire to believe amazing things will happen this new year and the sorrow of the last will be wiped away by the wonderful plan of God. However, more often I tend to doubt the goodness of God for the future because of the hardships of the past. I worry the good will never come or won’t last long because trials are inevitable. The hard truth is, life is full of curve balls we aren’t ready for, and when they come, sometimes we don’t know how to bounce back. Looking at Psalm 27 above, we see the word “wait” which means to “hope in” or “eagerness” in Hebrew. Waiting is not my favorite thing to do and is often unpleasant, but waiting while following Jesus is filled with hope and eager expectation. Thankfully, He sticks by our side and produces courage in our hearts through the wait. Yes, the unexpected will come in this new decade, but we can still be expectant that God is creating a new thing through all the hard things. Despair and discouragement will mark our lives unless we are believing and hoping in the goodness of God. He has been faithful in the past and will continue to be in the present and future. We can be strong and take courage because our King is on the throne and He remains over every joy and pain we experience because He has lived it all. Trust me, I have a lot of fears about the new year but I want to mimic the words of David in Psalm 27:1,3 which say, “The Lord is my light and Salvation; whom shall I fear? Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear; though war arise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.” This courageous confidence comes from being expectant for God to do something pleasant, something beyond our deepest desires. We can take heart because we know better days are coming in light of an eternity in Heaven with Him, in spite of present pain on Earth.

One of the ways to be expectant is to simply rest, to “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). I was talking to my Mom about this concept, and something she said that is sticking with me is the fact we are promised only today – this moment right here, right now. Jesus echoes this truth in Matthew 6:33-34, “but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself, each day has enough trouble of its own.” I spend the majority of awake time worrying in the waiting, instead of resting in the waiting. Resting in Jesus is trusting that the present and future is fully in the hands of God. Resting is joyfully believing that God is working. Resting is being a wise steward of what I have today. Resting is claiming the reassurance of painful tears being wiped away one day. Though today may be hard and far from perfect, one day it will be. In light of this truth, as followers of Jesus, we can be expectantly hopeful in 2020. Even if this year is filled with trials and more of the harsh unexpected, this hope of a “someday” when Heaven comes to Earth grounds us in peace beyond comprehension. We can carry this peace into what we plan to happen and what reality reveals itself to be day by day.

Another way to be expectant this year is to be all in wherever God has placed us. I have certain goals for the new year like making a budget (and sticking to it) and exploring more of the beautiful city of Austin. Among these aspirations and probably most importantly, I am praying to be more present by being prayerfully aware of the moment. Someone in the Bible who sets an admirable example of this is Mary in Luke 10. Jesus was traveling and He stopped by Mary’s village and her serving-minded sister, Martha, brought out a full on welcome mat. Martha’s character in this story describes the side of me who strives and strives to make sure everything is just right and that there are no hiccups along the way. On the other hand, the restful, trusting of Mary’s character is what I long to reflect more every day. After Martha complained to Jesus about Mary’s lack of help, He says to her in verse 41, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” What was Mary intentionally choosing to do? She “was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word.” That’s it, sitting and listening, fully engaged in that miraculous moment. We may not be able to physically sit at Jesus’ feet, but how often do we take a minute, let alone 30 minutes out of our day to open up the pages of His living Word? Reading the Bible is how God miraculously speaks to us today and it is literally right at our finger tips! Taking the time each morning to read, pray, journal, or just listen to worship music changes my mindset for the rest of the day. It gives me peace for all the worries. It reminds me of my purpose – to love God and those in my path unconditionally. Sitting at His feet is not a requirement of his love toward us, it is one of the many benefits of His love pouring out on us.

Without a doubt, being expectant means looking up and having an eternal mindset. I felt God speak this truth to me when I was flying back to Texas a few days ago, and I was once again blown away by the beauty of a sunrise above the clouds (refer to the pic at the top!). Flying makes me realize how small I am in the grand scheme of God’s plan for the universe, yet at the same time I am eternally cherished by Him – it’s a wonderful mystery. Sitting on the plane, I asked God to give me an eternal perspective, especially when I start to doubt under hard circumstances this year. The more we intentionally choose to look up and into His truth instead of the bleakness that may be around us, the more expectant we will be. We can be excited for what’s about to happen because we know who Jesus is, and when we know Him intimately, we don’t need all the answers. Jesus is more than enough for the days, months, and years of questions ahead. I am learning that it is all about a daily trust and taking advantage of this one day graciously given. Even if we do have off days or slip up now and then, we will be more than okay because our steps “are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.” (Psalm 37:23-24)

As we march forward into the great unknown of a new decade together, let’s seek to be expectant by seeking the only one worth being sought. Let’s live His love loudly. Let’s be actively present like Mary. Let’s be like David in the Psalms and wait with courageous strength. Let’s be like Jesus every day of 2020 and take a moment (or two) and spend it with our heavenly Father. When we do this one day at a time, God will amaze our deepest hurts, greatest joys, and momentary worries by securing a resurrection better than all of it. I already Him moving, and I heavily believe He will spring forth blessing and new life like that sunrise peeking over a blanket of unsuspecting clouds above. The sun may set on weary souls and longing hearts, but the blast of morning, resurrection light will be worth the long nights.

May 2020 be the year we look up more than anywhere else…happy new year, friends!

-Dee

P.s. Below is a link to a lyric video of Lauren Daigle’s song “Look Up Child”. I thought it was fitting for the first blog of 2020! Happy listening!